well, it was a whirlwind of a weekend in austin. initially, we had quite a busy schedule for saturday but all was ruined due to the rain. i wasn't terribly disappointed, though. i had the opportunity to sleep in and be a bum with anthony, which was all i really wanted anyway.
i guess i skipped friday. i drove in and anthony and i headed to dinner. eventually anthony, scott, julie and i went to the hideout and drank. of course, my hormones are a mess right now and as soon as i became slightly intoxicated i slipped into this other world and had little to say. i think most of what came out of my mouth was rude or sarcastic. i'm telling you, it's been rough this past week. i'm pretty much desperate for some other option. i can't continue living half of my life in this sad little world.
in addition to a new form of birth control, i am set on getting some sort of physical activity into my schedule. i don't do anything worthwhile when i get home, so it's about time i make an effort to get the endorphins running through my body once again. it's the simplest answer to my problems. in addition, i need to focus on making sure my iron is up and i'm getting enough food in general (GOOD food, HEALTHY food). if i don't make this effort then i obviously don't really give a shit about feeling better, right?
for the first time i feel like i really threw it out there with anthony. i went in depth with how i feel during this time and how it's basically this monster that takes complete control of my mind. it sounds bizarre because, let's be real, it's pms we're talking about here (okay, PMDD is different, but it's hormonal nonetheless). anthony being anthony, he was absolutely patient and understanding. and that makes me not only relieved, but that much more eager to find a solution of sorts before this all takes a truly damaging toll on my relationship.
what it boils down to is that i can't go on like this. i can't continue life like this. in two and a half months i'm back in austin, back in school, and i'll never succeed if i can't get my head together. and it starts today.
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