meh

i went to NIOSA last night and it was quite a lovely time. sonia had a hook up and we managed to get free drinks the entire night. of course, as a result i am now hungover and tired. i wasn't drunk, but i did have a decent buzz going. those damn beers are so small, seriously. it's like a shot of beer for $4. when they're free, though, i don't give a damn.

i've ignored you most of the week because i've been in such a shitty mood. i'm lonely, dear blog, and you've done nothing to make it better. why is this? what have i done to you?

so anyway i bought this dress yesterday and wore it to NIOSA:

i was convinced i was going to see lots of other chicks wearing it but i was wrong. just me, which might be a bad thing. meh, can't say i care. for once i was completely comfortable at a fiesta event and yes, i wore flip flops and no, i did not get my feet trampled on. not even once.

i am aware that everything i am talking about is completely pointless but it's all i've got. i'm telling you, i've been in a terrible mood.

i stole this from someone's album on facebook...



cute.

kiss off

i've sat down to write a new post a couple of times. the result was either me staring off into space and producing nothing, or me typing a line or two (including some long and ridiculous html code) and erasing it all once i decided i didn't like the direction i was headed. i think i'm ready this time.

i randomly saw my sophomore year theology teacher, ms. baez, at joven today. she was apparently showing a woman from india around; the indian woman is interested in starting a program like ours in india. 'ol baez was acting strangely, which was kind of a disappointment because i actually liked her back in the idub days. she didn't allow me the chance to tell her that i thought she was awesome for letting me question the catholic church and put on crazy prayer services (which were required as part of our grade). that was a rough year for me and she actually stands out as a decent teacher.

hey so as i'm writing this, baez just walked by again. what's up with teachers not giving a shit about past students? i'd be thrilled if one of mine actually recognized me. you were a teacher, you're supposed to care. okay, i'm being idealistic, i know. just sayin...

oyster bake was okay. i don't think i'll be going back for quite some time. it's time to try a new fiesta event. i drank, got a headache, drank more, felt dehydrated, ate, ate, ate, rehydrated with some pineapple agua fresca.

i'm in a real mood tonight. i pretty much think everyone sucks. i'm back on the muscle relaxers because my jaw hasn't gone back to normal. i'm pmsing and it's pretty bad this time around (FUCK YOU YAZ). let's face it, i'm full of complaints. i can keep them coming if you just lend me your ear a while longer. no? fair enough.

year four

a new day

what a trip...


it's adorable, but her eyes really weird me out.

so i'm back to normal(ish). i feel much better than i did yesterday; you might even say i'm feeling optimistic. just so you know.

ode on a blog.

fuck, blog.

i'm depressed. believe it or not, this time i can't blame it on pms.

make me better.

because i know you've always wondered:

The Second Coming

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

-- William Butler Yeats

i'm so productive at work

i have for you a list of things that are going on in my life that i would like to talk about. they are in no particular order and not all are (very) important. however, this is my blog and i can (and do) write about the most mundane occurrences. so you hush with your "this is boring" and "who gives a rat's ass?" someone out there cares... someone...

1.
tomorrow is anthony's birthday and i am headed to austin for the evening. i'm excited and looking forward to some fine dining and the likes. i am again contemplating the idea of driving back early in the morning, but last time was so rough. however, that may have been due to the fact that i drank enough beer to leave me hungover, which reminds me...

2.

last tuesday we saw ratatat at stubbs; it was amazing. we got there a little early and were able to secure a spot that allowed me a clear view of the stage. i think anthony and i were both unsure of what to expect, but ratatat did not fail us. the music alone is great, but when combined with the visuals it became hypnotic. seriously, there were a couple of points where it was hard to snap out of the trance the whole thing was putting me in. beer also contributed to the entrancement, but let's not deal with the specifics.

3.
it appears that YAZ and i have already met our demise. i was aware of the potential for an increase of potassium levels in your blood, but i didn't really think i had to worry about something like that. well, given my history of kidney stones and my love of NSAIDs (shout out to ibuprofein), my potassium is on the rise. i've gotten in touch with the doctor's office and i should be getting a new prescription soon. i'm sad, though. i was really hoping that YAZ would be my miracle pill. that's what i get for trusting science. i should have offered this up to god, put it in his hands through my prayers. HA! i kill me.

4.
my dad learned how to text. he was the last of the clan to still use his cell phone for such archaic uses as placing a phone call. today i received my first text from my father. i was beaming like a proud parent. 2009 welcomes you with open arms, dad.

5.
per the forfeited scrabble incident:
i was, at one time, a fan of the drunk dial. in my earlier drinking days i had a tendency to drink large amounts of alcohol, call a friend or two, and attempt to engage in awesome, intelligent conversation. at some point, however, i moved on from this. in fact, i scoffed at those who still made this egregious error (to include drunk texting, emailing, myspacing, and so on). it seems, though, that recently i have taken to drunk facebooking. i blame the fact that my phone has a facebook application. i also blame anthony for having a computer that is always on and always tempting me. i'm not looking to stop such behavior quite yet because it's one of the only times i update that shit or post my status or leave a comment (one of the most intelligent thus far: "gaaaaay." i'm a charmer). i am not proud of my behavior, but you have been warned...

6.
wednesday is ernesto's last day and i'm sad. please, lord, send me another cool office companion (oh god is so not going to listen to me after my remark in #3. stupid, yvette, very stupid).

thank you and good day.

the day after easter...

sixteen minutes now since easter ended and i'm feeling like shit. according to my nurse practitioner of a stepmother, because i failed to undergo a proper course of treatment for my allergies i must now deal with the added bonus of a sinus infection. i get these things every year; in fact, once i swear i had one that lasted for a few months. of course, that was mainly due to the fact that i am stubborn and did not finish the antibiotics as prescribed. this particular sinus infection seems to be kicking my ass a little more than usual, though.

on the bright side, easter was nice, as was the rest of the weekend. my mother continues to spoil all of us rotten and still puts together baskets for all of us. this year was a milestone in that it was the first time she actually prepared a basket for me and my significant other to share. yes, i am no longer the selfish little yvette of yesteryear; i was delighted to share with anthony (so long as he didn't take the candy i wanted -- baby steps).

ah but this was earlier. now i lay in bed propped up on a pillow feeling sick and lonely.

august... august... august... august... august...

in honor of the sleep i did not get last night.

Variations on the Word "Sleep"

I would like to watch you sleeping,
which may not happen.
I would like to watch you,
sleeping. I would like to sleep
with you, to enter
your sleep as its smooth dark wave
slides over my head

and walk with you through that lucent
wavering forest of bluegreen leaves
with its watery sun & three moons
towards the cave where you must descend,
towards your worst fear

I would like to give you the silver
branch, the small white flower, the one
word that will protect you
from the grief at the center
of your dream, from the grief
at the center. I would like to follow
you up the long stairway
again & become
the boat that would row you back
carefully, a flame
in two cupped hands
to where your body lies
beside me, and you enter
it as easily as breathing in

I would like to be the air
that inhabits you for a moment
only. I would like to be that unnoticed
& that necessary.

-- Margaret Atwood

always doing damage control

i was kind of emotional this weekend. okay, i was really emotional this weekend, which was a fitting end to the week i experienced.

let's start with friday. i went to sandra's anniversary thing. she read a new short story and, i shit you not, i struggled to keep from shedding a few tears. in the car i ended up bawling like a little bitch. it was about her mother who died about a year and a half ago. might not have been truly good enough to warrant such an outward display of emotion but I DON'T CARE.

ahem...

i passed out early (also like a little bitch) because of the muscle relaxers. i haven't taken the stupid things since. my jaw, i should mention, was getting better, but i'm not so sure now.

on to saturday...

my boyfriend said something mean to me while we were on our wonderful date. again, i wasn't all that successful in holding back a few tears. were they necessary? probably not. maybe? fuck it, i'm not in the mood for reason nor attempting a cogent argument. so we'll leave that there.

and later, i don't know, i think my body becomes aware of things i'm supposed to remember before i do. we're at the bar, i'm depressed as shit for some unknown reason, and then it hits me... april 18th. fuckin hell. now is that really my reason or is it merely where i am placing the blame? i don't know. i feel something coming on, some sort of unpleasant emotion that will surely lead me down a path of self-destruction.

i need some excitement ASAP. things are dull; i'm dull; semicolons? NOT DULL.

post scriptum: fuck you world for not telling me sooner that velveeta shells & cheese now comes in single-serving cups.

a thousand different versions of yourself

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The sirens are enticing and wooing and tempting you again This time they say have a *really* fabulous deal, even better than before. They're sorry, by the way, about the somewhat deceptive advertising they used on the last occasion you came their way. They want to assure you that they'll never again pull the bait-and-switch routine. So are you ready to give them another chance? Don't look to me for advice on what you should do. I'm simply here to report the situation. Besides, you need a good stiff test of your powers of discernment. Oh, one other thing: To demonstrate their sincerity, the sirens are offering you their first song and dance absolutely free.

When aren't the sirens tempting me, beckoning me with their cries? Yesterday they managed to pull me closer, but today I've escaped them, albeit because of muscle relaxers. Speaking of, fuck you very much TMD. You've been wonderfully successful at ruining my life. If you weren't a part of me I'd really consider stabbing you.

Sorry... tangent... damn those sirens once again...

So tomorrow is Friday and that means I have less to complain about. I'm headed to the downtown library immediately after work for an event they are having to celebrate the 25th anniversary of Sandra's House on Mango Street. It should be interesting and I'll have the opportunity to thank her and let her know about grad school. I'm sure she's just dying for an update.

Okay, obviously I'm too drugged to compose a coherent and interesting blog so I shall end it here.

Oh, one last thing. I wore my super cool bite splint last night in order to stop myself from grinding/clenching in my sleep. I woke up this morning and discovered the splint wasn't in my mouth. Yes, in the middle of the night I managed to take it out and throw it across the room. Apparently unconscious Yvette is on a mission to destroy conscious Yvette. What a bitch.