DTMFA

next monday, august 16th, anthony and i celebrate three years of dating.

maybe after five years we'll consider living together! and after seven years marriage might be in the picture! aren't relationships fun?!

screw you, life, as you tick tock in my ear and remind me that my fallopian tubes and uterus are rotting just a bit more every day. and as you constantly mention that my life won't even really begin until age thirty seeing as i'm the eternal student.

oh the idea of things not working out and having to start at square one...

i'm just tired. exhausted, really. i want real life. i want home. i want something... something more. i'm so fucking tired of living for the future. i've been doing it my entire life. in grade school and middle school it was all about making the grades necessary to get into incarnate word. at incarnate word it was about making it into college. in college it was about grad school. and here i am... and now it's about doing well enough to make it as a someone in the academic world when i'm 30 (i keep referring to the big 3-0 because it's right around the time in which i hope to be finished with my program). everything is in preparation for my future life.

ah but wait. the wise james douglas morrison wishes to remind me of something:

"the future's uncertain and the end is always near. "

bring it, life.