one big sigh

This picture is so old. I think I'm about 19 here so it was about seven years ago (look at those eyebrows!). Anyway, I was thinking about Richard today and feeling heartbroken, but, you know, more than usual. Then I realized his birthday is coming up in a couple of days.

It's bizarre to think about how much I still hurt when missing him. I mean, obviously you feel better with time, but you really don't get over it. I know people say this, but this is the only heartbreak I've ever really experienced. Actually, his death was the first and only time I've experienced heartbreak. After that, breaking up with a boyfriend was nothing. I mean, that's a laughable situation compared to how I felt after Richard died.

Perhaps this is enough pain for one person and god decided I don't need anymore for quite some time (like, forever)? I wish.